Lifestyle change can be hard, especially if we are doing it on our own. Our friends and family loved the old us before we started to become the healthier new, and improved version of ourselves. But why, when we are finally on track to getting the health that we want and deserve, health that will keep us in their lives for much longer and much happier, that instead of supporting us 100%, sometimes they end up sabotaging our success and even being a food pusher for all the wrong foods.
Some may feel threatened by our gradual and endless weight loss, jealous of our blood work results, or annoyed that they may feel pressure when around us to give up something as easily replaceable as dairy. Some may miss that you used to crave their signature dish lovingly prepared just for you but with all the wrong ingredients for your new lifestyle. ‘What do you mean you don’t eat profiteroles anymore? I made them just the way you like them.’
It’s time to talk to the food pushers in your life, especially as you age. Time is precious and our health conditions may be getting serious. But what do we say to protect our boundaries with food while still maintaining the relationship?
Here are a few tips that can help with self-care, especially during the holidays and special occasions.
Plan ahead for the unexpected.
Before that pot luck or family dinner, ask what you can bring and bring enough to share. A one-pot meal is a great side dish for everyone else and a great meal for you. This does two things: you will be sure to have something safe to eat, and it gives you the chance to mention your dietary needs. It sometimes helps to mention that your doctor is in support of your lifestyle change, so you are following the doctor’s orders even if your doctor has not told you what to eat. This way it won’t be a surprise if you politely decline something at the meal.
Life is not a competition. No one gets out alive.
There is sometimes a friend or family member who feels threatened and wants you to lighten up. They always invite you to have or taste what they are having, choose that restaurant with no healthy options, or surround you with junk food like chips, stashes of chocolate, or candy everywhere. They might say it is because the kids are picky and won’t eat healthy foods, or they think you are going to die from a lack of protein (which is ironic, but that’s for a different blog post) or they are scared that they will have to give something up to stay your friend. For them, consider your entrée can be their side dish. Don’t emphasize taking anything away and you might just end up crowding out the other foods as their taste yours. Call ahead to the restaurants and if they literally have nothing then eat before you go and have an undressed salad for dessert as your meal. Don’t make it about the food, make it about enjoying their company.
Celebrate all the love but without the oil
When someone is clearly trying to connect their food with love but you can no longer eat it, start by thanking them. Smells delicious. I always loved this. You do such an amazing job in the kitchen. Thanks for making this for so many years. And then pivot. I can’t eat another thing, but I will bring some home for later or share with some of my friends. Or tell me about where you got the original inspiration or when you learned the recipe. How did this become a family favorite? Or I would love to try making this with ingredients that I can make at home. Would love your help to brainstorm how we could get the flavors in something I could enjoy that my doctor would approve.
Isn’t it time you had the talk?
The talk takes many forms, but it helps to be ready for what may come from the food pushers in our lives. Lifestyle change is about pivoting, especially as we get older and we can no longer delay making changes for our health. A plant-based lifestyle is an important part of Eating to Heal, especially for those of us over 50. It is worth having the talk, for self-care, to protect our boundaries, help squash our cravings, and maintain our relationships. If we are lucky, some of those same friends will start to pay attention and join us in making the change to a plant-based lifestyle for many many years to come. (ps. Tell them about my Eat to Heal Over 50 program!)
